Let me tell you about a member of the public who attended the last council meeting. A robust woman of middle years made herself comfortable in the chamber. (Sounds grand doesn't it? It's room round the back, actually, but councils meet in Council Chambers... so it's a chamber). The room was freezing. She sat down with purpose (though gravity would have been having considerable influence) and wrapped her coat tightly about her ample frame.
At the appointed time within the proceedings, the Chair (remember in this new PC world, we do not have a Chairman or Chairwoman, just a Chair**) asked if there were any items that the public wished to add to the evening's agenda. She rose. Her chair groaned with relief. Her voice, at first steady, started on a litany of agenda items.
- When is Summit Road to be re-surfaced?
It's nothing to do with the Parish Council - we will raise it with the District/County
- Theres some potholes in the footpath where it runs along Las Ramblas
It's grass, of course it is uneven. Get a life, get a torch, choose a different route.
- Does anyone keep the drain clear along the Spine
Have you seen evidence that it is blocked? No.
Is it draining away? Yes. Then it's being kept clear !!!
- There are potholes where the footpath crosses an old cart track.
It's an old cart track, of course it has potholes. Get a life. Get a spade and fill them in!
And as the litany progressed, she became more agitated, and started to speak faster, and faster. The slight scent of hysteria permeated the room as she got onto the subject of stinging-nettles and beach huts... but eventually she collapsed back into her seat.
The councillors shared a moment of relief. Nobody actually had to slap her. You could see that would have caused a problem as there would have been an unseemly battle to be given the honour.
**Please try add your own points of ridicule. The insidious scum of Political Correctness deserves all the opprobrium you heap upon it. And more.